Agoraphobia

I haven't been going out too much lately - Not just in terms of drinking and partying but also literally not leaving the house - so for the first time in a long while I went downtown by myself and it was a horrifying experience.

First of all, when you've been cooped up in a single bedroom apartment on the top floor of a low rise building located in the suburbs for weeks all by yourself , you forget how loud everything is in city. I guess I could've diminished the noise around me by putting in my head phones in but I was also so captivated by every sound and unintelligible voice. This experience was awfully unsettling and with every elevation in the noise level, I was becoming very aware of how isolated and environment-sensitive I am.

Another problem is navigation. I kept bumping into people. I guess my social-assertiveness and self preserving aggression had also been on the decrease, so every time I felt the slightest guilt from somehow inconveniencing people by accidentally being in their way, I apologized emphatically. Luckily I was able to finish my errands in no time and return home  before I crumbled to the floor in the middle of Vancouver,  in a puddle of my own anxiety induced vomit. This is the first time I experienced what it it might feel like to have agoraphobia. I wonder if some other phobias can be developed this way. It almost seems too easy and this notion is of course, very frightening... ...FUCK!

Social Retard

This is my fourth week of being jobless and it's probably the best thing ever. Going to be at 4 A.M. in the morning and waking up in the afternoon, I'm starting to feel like a teenager again but without the self-esteem issues, suicidal tendencies and of course, parental tyranny.

The only downside to my unemployment is that I don't have as much money to spend on shit I like. I've pretty much stopped shopping for clothes and have even made strict rules about how often I should be going out. So there's been a lot of staying at home and cooking for myself, looking after the cats and waiting for school to start. Life is good and mellow.

 Obviously this can get boring very fast so I'm already planning on starting a few arts and craft projects. First thing on the docket is an oldie but a goodie - tye-dyed products.

Also, remember when I said I got rid of the long wispy bangs. Here some new short-ass baby bangs for the summer. They are pretty awesome but hard to maintain especially when I have to trim it myself without proper scissors every two weeks or so.

Lastly, here's my recent favourite local band. They are called B-lines and they are excellent.

Selling Out

I'm sure every blogger faces or had faced or will face this conundrum: whether or not to  monetize their blog. Recently, I've been toying with the idea of adding Ad Sense on this blog but was immediately fraught with guilt.

The truth is I really don't want to be a "sell out"; and I say those words in the most straight up, clear cut and non-clieche way possible. I mean,  If you host an independent blog with contents that challenge the many facets of the mainstream culture including issues on consumerism and journalistic and artistic integrity and you plastering that blog with ads that sells shit you have never even seen or will ever give a fuck about is extremely hypocritical and is like "sell out". Also, let's face it, it wouldn't be worth while for a fringe blog like mine to be selling out because I really don't get enough traffic to be making a ton of cash. Seriously, how fucking sad is that, trading in my morals for chump change? Ultimately though, the main deterrent is the repulsive idea of exploiting my readers and shamelessly making a gain off of promoting things I most likely will never see, own or ever use.

With that being said, I have seen some of my favourite bloggers go from being an "ad-free blog" to making mad monies with banners for American Apparel, Urban Outfitters and what I can only hope is just another edgy and ironically hipster online fashion store called "Nasty Gal" (couldn't come up with a better name? Really?). However, not every one of them can be demonized as "sell-outs" because some are extremely ethical about how they promote and profit off the ads. It almost sounds like I'm waning towards putting ads on my blog but here's something I learned as a psych major and through years of observing this behaviour in others and myself. People can pretty much justify and reason through just about anything because we hate having conflicting ideals. We also find it not only comforting but also necessary to explore and even publicize our "sorting out" of these conflicts (ie. via blogging, much like how I'm sorting through my opposing views on ads on blogs). In the end, how much one feels about one way or another comes to a final choice supported by reasons they have outlined throughout the process. Therefore, going back to my original dilemma I have decided against ever adding ads to my blog for the very simple reason that I just don't want to be a "sell-out".

Dress like Grimace

It's not winter yet and I'm already sick. Pretty sure I ran an all-day low grade fever yesterday and yet I still went for a run for an hour, did some heavy lifting and had children scream in my face while defencelessly threw my arms around my head, trying to muff out as much of everything as I can.

Today, I'm taking a day off.

To make up for me feeling shitty, I think of these boots. No, you don't have x-ray vision. They are in fact see-through.

These are the Vancouver hipster version of Cinderella's glass slippers. Except they will never fall off my feet because they are rain boots. Come to think of it, if Cinderella wore these she would've never had her prince coming to rescue her from her shitty home. She would've had to think of a way to break out of that room, somehow elude her evil step mother and sisters, start a new life and become a feminist then later join an all-girl hardcore punk band.

Jeremy was looking super lumber-jackish and I found it stylishly hilarious so I asked him to pose for my blog.

I must say, he's a natural at modelling.

Scrambled Debutante

I have been rendered completely useless by the incessant heat, emanating from everywhere. Including from my cats. I swear, I tried to pet one of them yesterday and a bit of my skin got singed off.

I haven't been in the mood to write much lately (because of the heat wave) so I'm going to leave you with a poster I designed for my band: Scrambled Debutante. We have a show on the 11th and look, we even have a Bandcamp.

School's Out

Growing up is exciting. I know that because I literally experience it every day. Both in myself as well as vicariously through the kids I work with. That's the other cool thing about hanging out with kids is that you never really introspectively think about just how much your own self have grown until you see it in others. Being the outsider looking in on the lives of these children serves as an alternative perspective which can some times provide valuable information about the self or makes you feel very, very old. 

Some kids graduated today and some moved onto a higher grade. For the sentimental and attentive ones, I say onto thee, "hey kids, congratulations, enjoy the best years of your life then start a fashion blog and rant about things in the most esoteric and sporadic way possible."

Art Nouveau

After months of waiting; I'm back to revive this blog. During my absence, I fought The Man, wrote about strange psychological disorders and almost struck a child in the face. It was quite the exciting stretch of time indeed. Now I'm back with a new haircut, which makes me very aware of my eye brows, and armed to shit-kick fashion, art and politics in the faces with snappy blog posts.

"Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all. Nothing at all. Nothing at all..."

This jacket came with a removable inner layer which can be added or subtracted as needed (super handy). I speculate that it is actually a Canadian army jacket because the disclaimer message sewed inside of it told me that the side pockets are especially designed for magazine rounds and the chest ones for grenades. Cool eh?

Hair Trends

Sometimes I obsess over the state of my hair. Its style, its texture, its colour and its potentials are all things I keep at a reasonably satisfactory level when trying to grow it out. However I never seem to make it to that final desirable length before I get impatient and cut it all off.

This is the result of having my hair in braids for over 8 hours.

I rocked the top bun for the entire summer. Hey, has it occurred to anyone that Bert and Ernie may just be really, really good friends?

My favourite part of this whole ensemble was the blueberries. They were delicious.

It's Not Rocket Science

Today was my first shift at my temporary, part-time position at White Spot. You see, after months of irresponsible visa card usage I was pretty much forced into this. And after five minute into my shift it all suddenly came back to me; I hate restaurant jobs. I can deal with the hectic environment, the people, the terrible, terrible uniforms, the shitty food and even the fact that I had worked in restaurants all throughout high school and university and have quit time and time again only now to come back to another one after my graduation. That is all fine to me, I am not so stuck up that I can't swallow my pride for the sake of survival. But the the I cannot stand is the way these business are run and staffs are treated. Perhaps not all of my new co-workers know that I have had extensive food and service experiences but the way they treated me as the "first-timer" today was nothing short of how someone would treat another if that person was mentally handicapped. Every command was said with so much unnecessary emphasis and condescendingly superfluous repetition that made every single mundane task seem like verbal instructions for how to deal with something as important as dismantling a doomsday weapon. I really don't know how much I can continue working there if I expect to save any shred of dignity and self-respect. The only thought that's preventing to immediately marching in and quitting is the thought of these shoes:


My ideal part-time job right now would be to work at American Apparel but none of the Vancouver locations are hiring at this moment. Which means, I would have to stick with what I've got going on currently until my head explodes.
I love wearing hats when my hair is short. Totally hipster!

Do you see? Do you see!!??

This past weekend Daniel and I took a day trip down to Seattle for two purposes: 1) to have dinner at the most amazing Italian restaurant ever called Bizarro and 2) to visit the Experience Music Museum. In general the exhibits were pretty cool but wasn't exceptionally great. I was, however, extremely trilled and impressed by the grunge and punk section.

Pillar of guitars. What a waste of perfectly playable instruments.

Ah, the elusive grunge aesthetic; ironically fashionable, kind of like the modern day hipster trend. Except that the latter thrives on being ironically and poorly dressed and that the former just really didn't give a shit about clothes. At least they say.

An epic shot of Mudhoney --- one of the leading pioneers of grunge

The Nirvana display... "fucking amazing" is all I have to say

Those are Kurt Cobain's guitar and Kris Novoselic's bass. It's hard to tell in this picture but both instruments are totally trashed from they playing like maniac's back in the day.

"We want revolution, GIRL STYLE NOW!!!!"
My second favorite part of the museum is all the displays of The Supremes stage costumes they wore back in the days. Just look at these dresses, they're ridiculously fabulous!

Sorry about the slide show post but I've just been so exhausted looking for a job I'm a little uninspired to write. But don't worry, once this is over I'll again be sharing my thoughts with you all.