Measuring Success

Take a good look at this hair because this is the last time you'll ever get an eye-full of those luscious bangs. At this very moment, my hair is short as ever and my bangs have crept well above my eyebrows.

Some changes took place in my life recently that I cannot neglect to discuss. As of May 1st, I took the final step towards burning the bridge of professionalism between myself and my employer at the Westminster Children's After School Society. Sounds familiar? Yes, this may conjure the feeling of deja vu if you remember one particular post where I regaled some of you with the tales of finally quitting the job I deemed soul-sucking. Well, it turns out that was not the ending chapter of this seemingly never-ending struggle towards self-efficiency and freedom from the shackles of employment.

However, this time, I do believe is the last; and it will last for I can no longer tolerate the meaninglessness of me trying so desperately to seek meaning and purpose where there isn't any. Though I do have to say that there is a silver lining in this whole ordeal. You see, the day after I told my boss to "get fucked" over a phone shouting match and won, I was accepted into the graduate program I've been toiling over for the past few months! This opportunity of course stemmed from my most recent place of employment. Through one one of the kid's parent who introduced me to the program just over a year ago. 

What's the moral of the story? The Man is always a step behind you because if you are a conscientious and decent human being who place more importance on forging real relationships with the people (in this case the children and their families), they will in turn trust and respect you or provide you with bigger and better options so you can flip your current boss off and get what you actually deserve! Take that to church tomorrow and preach it!

When You Dream

People always tell me to "be realistic" or "wake up". Most of the time they say that to save me from disappointments when certain things I've been been hoping and wishing for are too far fetched from coming true. But once in awhile, I simply hate it when people say that to me because it's so damn discouraging. I mean what the fuck does that mean anyway? Am I a dreamer for wanting to make a world a better place? Am I being unreasonable for wanting to pursue a career in arts rather than the corporate world? Or am I operating in a completely different realm from yours and you're just informing me that I'm not living in reality because I'm literally stuck in a different plane somehow? Regardless, I think the whole notion of reality is completely bogus (mind the irony). Because what is reality, really?
Throughout my study of human psychology, I have always find cases where people are so convinced that their perceptions are "real" to be especially fascinating. Because it always boggled my mind that some people can lead a life of what seems like utter obscurity to us but to them, it is the only world they know. As I read, studied and watched a lot of these cases, I eventually realized that sometimes physicians and psychologists really don't have any right in telling them what is real because reality is self-constructed. Take the classic philosophical riddle for example. "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" Of course it does, because so many happen without our awareness but that doesn't mean that there isn't a possibility of unperceived existence. So just because certain things can't be understood, comprehended or even directly perceived, doesn't mean they don't exists or that they are not "real". Who is to say that a schizophrenic patient's reality is abnormal and thus "not real"? Because to them, it is as real as it gets. I once knew a girl who was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and experienced severe auditory and visual delusions when her symptoms were at their worst. After a copious amount of drugs, her symptoms finally went away. But til today, she still recounts the experience from that segment of her life with so much detail and conviction that it was almost like she was in an alternate reality of some sort.
Perhaps this is the downfall of having an ego because it really limits us from accepting possibilities outside of our consciousness. However, I do think we have the propensity to do so though, because when you dream, do you not hurt when you dream of walking into a wall? Do you not cry when you dream of tragedy befallen on a loved one? Do you not wake up in cold sweat when you dream of your own death? All of our dreams are as real to us as they can be when we sleep. So why do we emphasize the waking reality more than the dreaming reality? I personally prefer to dream because at least in my dreams no one tells me to wake up.

Here's some obscure photo collage action, inspired by what I've learned about memory and reality. Remember the big-cat t-shirt? It is now a crop tank.