Shout Back! Festival - Celebrating the Underrepresented in Vancouver Music

Scrambled Debutante played their first official punk show last night at the ArtBank on Powell for Shout Back! Festival. An entirely DIY, three-day, moshy, braless, anti-capitalism and all-together awesome music/workshop weekend dedicated to celebrate the local punk music. It acknowledges the underrepresented groups (women, LGBTQ, non-White) in the music industry as part of a movement and proponent of contemporary culture and art collective.

I want to take a moment to appreciate the effort everyone put in to make something this amazing possible. Not only was this significant in terms of its intended message, but it's also extremely meaningful in the way that it was a open forum for freedom of expression.

HOOVES

Four incredibly energetic women with some of most interesting vocals I've ever heard. These girls are so fun to watch and super kind too. They were the first on and played before us. All of them stayed for the whole night and came and said awesome things to me after we finished. Truly rad musicians.

SKUNT

Some of the most amazing covers of Pixies, Lou Reid and Le Tigre ever! The lead singer/guitarist packs a powerful punch in her singing/playing while the rest of the band complemented her energy with the raddest and the loudest back-up vocals.

LUNCHLADY 

HOLY SHIT CAN THEY PLAY AND SCREAM LIKE NO BODY'S BUSINESS! I missed the first couple of their songs because the venue was like a steam room with all the sweaty, dancing, happy punks thrashing about but once I joined back into the rocking out, this band blew me away. The lead singer/guitarist is a theatrical woman with the most amazing outfit - white vintage sleeping gown style dress with a tampon belt which she attached individual tampons with red tips to her waistline. Whatever, her costume is not nearly as out of this world as her powerful growls and fuck-you-in-the-ear sing/yelps. Complete with walking bass lines and atonal guitar licks, they sound something right out of Olympia from the 90's. A true-to-the-roots group of riot grrls, here in Vancouver, FUCK! YEAH!

DEADSOFT

They're probably my favourite band from Vancouver at this point. My drummer Jamie had the privilidge of touring with these guys in July and I'm still seething with jealousy. The bass player Keeley has some mad chops comparable to Kim Deal. Nathaniel, the guitar player/singer is a beast in that he's working like seven petals and playing guitar so hard it makes my hand hurt. The drummer, who's name I've forgotten drives every single song and carries crazy punk magic with each kick, and hit. So so so so so so so good. After the show, I showed my appreciation by patting everyone on their sweaty backs and Keeley and I both agreed that perhaps Scrambled Debutante and Deadsoft should play a show again very soon.

Lolita

I realized that I'm simply not cut-out to be super involved in fashion because obviously I don't make enough time to post regular posts. For the fashion lovers still recovering from the hollow echos of my absence, you will never be left wondering what I'm wearing again because here's my Instagram. With this, you'll be able to check in every day to ensure that I have not left the house naked. For the others who are still reading. I will write for you some of the things that has been particularly interesting to me.

      

My new job has demanded much of my time and attention and it's now at the forefront of my everyday functioning. I am waiting for grad school to start in September. 

I am currently with reading Lolita by Nabokov. Alas, my book is used and the cover page has disintegrated over time due to overuse-age. The rest of the book will probably follow a similar fate because of it, so I will have to get a new one. Perhaps a hard cover copy. 

If you haven't read the book, I high recommend it. Nabokov's prose is extremely captivating. Though the theme is taboo but all the naughty bits are implied and just subtle enough that it allows the readers to use their imagination. It's a fantastic read for anyone who is interested in exploring that aspect of human sexuality. However, the novel is more than just sex and the characters are very complex and relatable.

Agoraphobia

I haven't been going out too much lately - Not just in terms of drinking and partying but also literally not leaving the house - so for the first time in a long while I went downtown by myself and it was a horrifying experience.

First of all, when you've been cooped up in a single bedroom apartment on the top floor of a low rise building located in the suburbs for weeks all by yourself , you forget how loud everything is in city. I guess I could've diminished the noise around me by putting in my head phones in but I was also so captivated by every sound and unintelligible voice. This experience was awfully unsettling and with every elevation in the noise level, I was becoming very aware of how isolated and environment-sensitive I am.

Another problem is navigation. I kept bumping into people. I guess my social-assertiveness and self preserving aggression had also been on the decrease, so every time I felt the slightest guilt from somehow inconveniencing people by accidentally being in their way, I apologized emphatically. Luckily I was able to finish my errands in no time and return home  before I crumbled to the floor in the middle of Vancouver,  in a puddle of my own anxiety induced vomit. This is the first time I experienced what it it might feel like to have agoraphobia. I wonder if some other phobias can be developed this way. It almost seems too easy and this notion is of course, very frightening... ...FUCK!

Off the Grid

Some of you may have noticed that my blog had gone missing for a few weeks. You see, I realized there's a typo in my domain name (hapeningsinss is missing a "p") and corrected it without considering the catastrophic chain reaction of voiding every single hyperlink which lead to this humble little blog. 

For the month I was off the grid, I do apologize. I hope I didn't do any irreparable damage to some of the other blogger's credibility - promoting a blog to readers that doesn't seem to exist.

Well, now I've reverted back to hosting a blog with a misspelled domain named it comforts me in a way that perhaps I can start owning my other mistakes. For example: Not appreciating King Crimson up until now.

You can be sober or super high on your drug of choice for this. I promise you, this will make all the hipster shit you've been listening to sound like eating watery lettuce with warm vinaigrette.

Selling Yourself Short Doesn't Increase Self-Worth

Without making this post sound like it came straight out of a page of a psudo-scientific self-help book, I want to share with you the secrets to being happy.

Just kidding. This is going to be a post for the mid-20 somethings who are struggling with self-identity through career choice. I'm confident in my credibility seeing how I've been doing my best to redefine who I am during this time of unemployment.

Since my last update, I'm still unemployed and am slowly starting to feel the burn of not having enough money so I've been job hunting, and it hasn't been easy. This is because I don't care for half of the stuff I've applied to and desperation has made me devalue myself to a point where I've literally sent my resumes to some of the most worthless jobs. After a few weeks of mindlessly sending off resumes and cover letters, I landed myself an interview today for an opportunity I randomly encountered on the street. It was for a nonprofit organization and the job was public outreach. You know those people in silly vests with binders who try to guilt you into donating on a monthly basis for a cause you semi care for. Yeah, I was going to interview to be one of them.

The interview was to take place on Wednesday at 3 P.M. in a group format and I wasn't there. Why? Well, I made a conscious choice not to go. No, it wasn't because I was lazy or unmotivated or whatever. I just didn't feel like sitting through another interview where I know deep down it isn't the job I want. In other more blatant words  I felt like it would've been a waste of time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not here sitting on a high horse thinking I'm way too good to be working for a nonprofit organization as a public outreach canvasser. On the contrary, I admire people who bust their asses all day talking to total strangers on the street about how they can be an important part of the solution to end world hunger, human trafficking, animal abuse, or what have you. What I realized is that I'm really not that type of activist. I tend to like to take matters in my own hands and get very selfish about my believes because they make me feel great about who I am. I will certainly try to influence other in many instances but I do it through example (again, not stroking my own ego) and by being absolutely head-strong and never asking for charity. In the end I reserve those bleeding heart, soap box speeches for dinner parties and social gatherings where I can get as emotionally invested and outwardly intense as I can get so other people feel stupid for averting their attention away from me. Thus, I wouldn't be able to truly convince people unless I get up and arms about a cause and I certainly wouldn't be able or allowed to get in someone's face if professionalism is involved. I mean, that is how I ended up jobless in the first place, remember?

Another important caveat in my turning down this opportunity also involves my ever-evolving self-identity. I realized that while jobs are important for support one's living expenses, they should also reflect who you are as a person rather than the other way around. In other words, (or maybe Tyler Durden words "you are not your fucking job"), we shouldn't define ourselves according to our jobs. Rather, We should define our jobs according to what we want ourselves to be. This is a hard lesson to learn for all of us especially when we equate working with productivity and productivity with self-worth. Let's be frank though, having a job doesn't guarantee quality of self-worth. I'll put myself forth as an example. Throughout the years of me working at various jobs I didn't give a shit about I slowly devalued myself as a person. I mean I started to see myself and tell people about myself in accordance to my job duties. A normal conversation with me often included what my job is. Then some comments would be exchanged on that topic by both the person I'm talking to and myself and an hour would go by and I would've felt like I told that person nothing about myself. I was never proud of what I did and this was taking a toll on me. Thus after I quit my most recent job I've decided that I will no longer feel the social pressure to just find any job. I want to build myself around what I'm passionate about, even if it means taking some time to slowly discover less obvious routes. Now that I've realized what the difference between a job and a career is, the rest should fall in to place...???

Social Retard

This is my fourth week of being jobless and it's probably the best thing ever. Going to be at 4 A.M. in the morning and waking up in the afternoon, I'm starting to feel like a teenager again but without the self-esteem issues, suicidal tendencies and of course, parental tyranny.

The only downside to my unemployment is that I don't have as much money to spend on shit I like. I've pretty much stopped shopping for clothes and have even made strict rules about how often I should be going out. So there's been a lot of staying at home and cooking for myself, looking after the cats and waiting for school to start. Life is good and mellow.

 Obviously this can get boring very fast so I'm already planning on starting a few arts and craft projects. First thing on the docket is an oldie but a goodie - tye-dyed products.

Also, remember when I said I got rid of the long wispy bangs. Here some new short-ass baby bangs for the summer. They are pretty awesome but hard to maintain especially when I have to trim it myself without proper scissors every two weeks or so.

Lastly, here's my recent favourite local band. They are called B-lines and they are excellent.

Measuring Success

Take a good look at this hair because this is the last time you'll ever get an eye-full of those luscious bangs. At this very moment, my hair is short as ever and my bangs have crept well above my eyebrows.

Some changes took place in my life recently that I cannot neglect to discuss. As of May 1st, I took the final step towards burning the bridge of professionalism between myself and my employer at the Westminster Children's After School Society. Sounds familiar? Yes, this may conjure the feeling of deja vu if you remember one particular post where I regaled some of you with the tales of finally quitting the job I deemed soul-sucking. Well, it turns out that was not the ending chapter of this seemingly never-ending struggle towards self-efficiency and freedom from the shackles of employment.

However, this time, I do believe is the last; and it will last for I can no longer tolerate the meaninglessness of me trying so desperately to seek meaning and purpose where there isn't any. Though I do have to say that there is a silver lining in this whole ordeal. You see, the day after I told my boss to "get fucked" over a phone shouting match and won, I was accepted into the graduate program I've been toiling over for the past few months! This opportunity of course stemmed from my most recent place of employment. Through one one of the kid's parent who introduced me to the program just over a year ago. 

What's the moral of the story? The Man is always a step behind you because if you are a conscientious and decent human being who place more importance on forging real relationships with the people (in this case the children and their families), they will in turn trust and respect you or provide you with bigger and better options so you can flip your current boss off and get what you actually deserve! Take that to church tomorrow and preach it!

Record Store Day + 420

Happy Saturday/Record Store Day/420, everyone! I thoroughly enjoy all three of those things but today I have an even bigger news to get excited about. Today is my friend Jamie's sister, Sarah's wedding and I have been invited to attend as long as I sing a song. This is an incredibly generous gesture considering I'm not even remotely related or close to his family and that they're willing to let me eat, drink and be weird at their daughter's wedding. It does however bode well for me as a quasi-musician because if I do one day decide to drop everything to become one, I can at least get free food and drinks by singing at people's weddings, Bar Mitzvahs, birthdays or any event at which my taken-for-granted-talen can serve to entertain people.

One thing I would like to also mention is that I'm participating in my first ever long-distance run. That's right the Vancouver Sun Run will be one of the things I get to cross off my 2013 to-do list. This year is especially important considering the recent tragedy that took place at the Boston Marathon. Thus in the spirit of moving forward; both literally and figuratively, I am proud to be a part of collective culture which represents more than just Vancouverite's love for the outdoors.

Finally, I just want to turn your attention towards this little review Scrambled Debutante garnered in this recent week. Seriously, there's so many things going on right now, I'm jealous of myself.

Adventure Time

 Heyo! I want to take some time to talk about my current favourite thing on Netflix right now and that thing is called Adventure Time. Sure, I might be several years behind on the hype  but it took me a while to truly appreciate the absurdist and silly humour of the show so if you ask me, I say I'm just on time for maximum viewing pleasure.

Besides the awesome animation style, out-of-the-box story telling and just about the best kid-friendly one-liners ever, the show is also extremely avant-garde, conceptual and imaginative. Take for example Jake the Dog and how he seems to to have no limits to shapeshifting at his own connivence. Having worked with kids, this is like a dream come true - to be friends with a talking-dog who can transform into anything he wants during times of crisis. 

The show is also clever in that the humour in it is campy without being cheesy at all. Both the characters are already so genuinely sweet and decent that the show never try to insert preachy moral lessons like most of kids shows which gets super trite and stale very quickly.

If you haven't seen the show yet, you owe yourself to do it. I've always been a big fan of cartoons and Adventure Time is so weird and cute that it suits anyone who identify as those things. 

Some Kind of Hate

I almost never wear pants anymore, leggings have won the battle of comfort and style over them. Although I know a great deal of people who are into fashion would disagree with me but I want to pay a tribute to them.

I've been listening to a lot of old school punk lately. By a lot, I mean exclusively The Mistfits (Glen Danzig era only). Static Age remains one of the best punk albums ever made.

Tax Season is Good News for the Working Poor

Tax season is great because it means that the Canadian government will be paying me back some of my well-deserved monies that they've been holding hostage for the past year.

As I was filing my taxes (that's right, I am THAT capable) earlier this evening I realized just how much we undercut ourselves based on our incomes and tax deductibles. Actually, this realization came to me earlier last week when I was freaking out over my lost credit card and had to file for fraud on the last purchase on the statement. I was all worried that the fraud claim meant that my life will be overrun by investigators and corporate lawyers grilling me on every bit of fiscal detail. The whole time I was thinking "why would they just re-credit my account without even flinching? $300 dollars is a lot of money!"

Truth be told, I panicked a little because I was so afraid that no one would believe me and will eventually fault me for being so careless with my belongings. Then, after half an hour of me pacing in my living room, dreaming up escape strategies and mentally writing down a list of my most cherished things I would leave for my loved ones once I skip town, I remembered to resort to logic instead. What I deduced was that to a multi-billion dollar corporation like the bank, to say that $300 is peanuts to them,  is even beyond an understatement. It would made absolutely no sense for them to go into a full-fledged investigation on a $300 credit card fraud. Even if they did, it wouldn't involve lawyers and investigators knocking on my door. It would've been collection letters or some other annoying "this-is-a-vague-but-stern-warning" forms of notice stuffed into my mailboxes over the span of four months until I eventually give them back the ill-gotten credits.

After realizing this, I began to feel sad for myself; and then, anger.

My rage response was catapulted by many reasons. The first of those is that I had entirely based my sense of self-worth on how much money was in my bank. The fact that I had psyched myself out so much both because I lost $300 and my credit card was a prime example of how much money determines my mental state thus state of well-being. Then that was exacerbated when I eventually realized just how "unworthy" I am. Not long after a period of temporary illusion of "THIS $300 DOLLAR DISCREPANCY IS GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE BECAUSE MY FINANCIAL ACTIVITIES IS OF GREAT INTEREST TO EVERYONE." Which is also depressing and demoralizing because I felt like a powerless little person in at the mercy of giant financial corporations.
Honestly, just think about how much freedom you gain when you have more money in the bank. If a large part of a human being as a free-agent is her volition to act based on her own accord then it's fair to associate money with freedom because money way more opportunities, thus way more freedom. If freedom is one of the fundamental goals and aspirations for a person wouldn't the relinquishment of that freedom defeat a sense of purpose, identity and self-worth? Thus isn't money one of the most evil things we are all love to hate and hate to love? FUCK!

T.U.K.-ing On My Heart Strings

This is amazing-sauce! Our humble little band Scrambled Debutante got our first review in the Georgia Straight!  Which means we are now a legitimate band because people have now judged and wrote about those judgements for the public eye in hopes to sway their opinion!!! Now I know what it feels like to be totally fucking famous! Raawwrrrrrrrr!!!!!

Second tidbit of excitement: I was interview on CJSF last Friday for their International Women's Day special to talk about what it feels like to a feminist and a female musician in Vancouver. I talked intensely for half an hour and have never been so proud to be speaking about things that are extremely personal to me.

It seems like things are on the upswing for me and I'm enjoying every moment of it.

Back to business of being serious though. I'm still struggling with creating a workable angle for the new blog. While I want to start a new blog less fashion-focused, I still want my own personal aesthetics to be a part of it. Also, I was told that this blog isn't really about fashion so maybe I'm already achieving what my supposed new blog is going to be all about?

Regardless. I will keep you all informed about any future developments. Now, I'm going to go bask in the temporary glory of how frighteningly much people seem to like me.

Lovelorn

Hello world! My graduate school application is on its way to being judged and scrutinized by a committee of people who can potentially destroy my life without me ever knowing what the hell happened.

I'm hoping to start a new blog soon and so far it's been hard to consolidate all I want to say into one. Perhaps it'll just be another jumble of topics like I have been known to dish out on this blog. Maybe I'll take a more esoteric angle for the special interest groups?

More Stuff on Being a Girl

I am a girl, a woman, a female, born with XX chromosomes and equipped with hormone receptors that caps off the effects of testosterones long before the formation of facial hair.

Because I am a girl, I am also more likely to be sexually harassed, discriminated against, judged first based on my appearance. I would also have a harder time trying to prove to people that I'm more than just a "pretty face", just as capable, if not more, as "that guy" and won't cry every time I menstruate. 

I've always been sensitive, more than most, to anything that is charged with gender. It could be something people say in passing, an ad on T.V. a sexist joke or even the social ramification the differential eating patterns of males and females. Lately, I have been especially on edge, almost borderline hostile whenever I perceive anything that remotely suggest one gender is superior to another. The cruel irony here of course is that perhaps I am just pissy and volatile because I'm on my period. However, this isn't plateauing off like my period. In fact, quite the opposite is happening because this internal, great big ball of feminist rage is only getting more potent with each passing day where somewhere in the world a woman has been subjected to some form of discrimination or violence by virtue of the fact that she is a woman.

I have no real way to pacify this feeling nor do I have an appropriate and positive ending to this post. In a way it mirrors the helplessness I sometimes feel as an angry feminist, constantly trying to break free of my gender roles and battle the stereotypes.
Also. I have decided to start a new blog with a focus on culture, gender politics and art. No more fashion posts but the outfits will be featured on my Tumblr.

Zebras and New Hair

Happy Sunday!

New Hair!

In the process of applying for grad school. Wish me luck!