Another Moon

Two weeks ago I was on another continent and now I'm right in the thick of it all. Back to work with the kids, a show on Friday, already out of groceries and even new job opportunity (more to do with working with kids). 

In the midst of living, I feel adventurous and want to explore more experiences. For some reason the thought of surviving a cross-Pacific flight for thirteen hours and traveling through time backwards from China to Vancouver make me appreciate life. This is why I have decided that in two years, I will be moving to Montreal. Thus leaving me with the biggest conquest yet to achieve - learning French.

Speaking of French, I watched a fantastic film by Tarantino the other day which some of you may have heard of; Inglorious Basterds. In it, the people spoke very little English and one Nazi was fluent in both French and German and Hitler was assassinated by brutal machine gun swiss-cheesing. It made me realize two things: one, European languages are beautiful. Two, if Hitler had in fact die that way, perhaps the world would be a different place.

After coming back from China, the very thought of living in a totalitarian society frightens me and haunts my democratic dreams (in which I speak English but hope one day that will become French). And perhaps this is a little too preachy and even patronizing but I think every young Canadians should be as politically active as they possibly can and exercise their democratic freedom in all ways possible. As one of the best countries in the world, we really don't realize the extent of our liberty. Seriously, just go read an article about what's happening in nations such as North Korea or Iraq. The fact that I can blog, post photos and even openly discuss controversial topic such as sexual politics and anti-establishmentarianism without paying much consequences is an absolute privilege.

Manic Pixie Dream Girl

As much as I enjoy indie, quirky, romantic-comedies (ie. Garden State), I really resent the female stock character which the industry refer to as the "manic pixie dream girl".

Drawing from the definition, the MPDG is often used in movies as the human catalyst for the growth and the development of the male protagonist's sense of identity. She helps the main character (often a tortured, anxiety-ridden male) overcome his immaturity and eventually inspires him to fully embrace all experiences and relish in all aspects of life.

Yes, MPDG are the proverbial "the one who changed my life" girls. I believe,  they are also products of androcentrism. This means the portrayal of these type of characters indirectly undermines the complexity and the individuality of every woman. Fuck man! Not every quirky, bubbly and eccentric girl is just waiting to instil epiphanies and new found experiences in self-deprecating boys. I promise you LSD can achieve that same effect. Much less emotional entanglement as well which is probably useful, considering it can help prevent a full depression relapse when you finally do reach self-actualization and realize that you are a nothing without your MPDG. Oh yeah, and that you're also kind of a chauvinist. 

I'm wearing eyeliner!!! WHOAZ!

Rather Ripped

I'm terribly saddened because I can't for the life of my find my sewing machine foot pedal cord. This means that my plan of making millions by selling home-made dresses on Etsy will have to be postponed until I can find a circuit breaking apparatus that allows me to sew at my own pace. 

Two summers ago I became obsessed with sewing. It's one of those additions that offers only hits of ecstasy when you eventually realize that you can save a ton of money by fashioning say a pillow case into a pair of shorts. I guess the sense of accomplishment after you've done that serves to be quite rewarding too. Seriously, just try and create something one of these days; anything. The experience is truly wonderful. 

When I open my Etsy shop stocked with boxy, recycled garments made out of textiles found around the house I will be displaying the pieces via my blog. Please keep a keen eye out for that perfect shower curtain dress in the near future. 

Sonic Youth fucking rocks btw. Did I mention that already in the past?

animals are wonderful

The disillusionment of coming to terms with the true nature of relationships can be one's greatest lament. 

Great minds have tried for centuries to define relationships and what they psychologically represent for the development of the self. Melanie Klein proposed the object relations theory and outlined human infancy in terms of how the ego unravels as it draws associations with the outside world and everything it encounters; hence object relations. 

It is not until when things got a little bit more complicated and more complicated things such as emotions and cognitions started to play a part in how people position themselves. The truth is, no one can truly fathom what their relationships mean because over time relationships fade and strengthen due to a myriad of variables. Each object is subjected to the manipulation of multiple variables thus to account for and understand every object and how they can potentially influence you over time is impossible. 

What is truer and triter than anything is the fact that we are a product of biology and evolution (depending on your beliefs) and that in itself exists in a vacuum. Very little argument can be made about the animalism in every human. In the end, we can only hope to measure ourselves, albeit incompletely, based on instincts. 

Movies

I work with kids. Kids sometimes ask questions that catch you off guard. This is what one of the kids at my work asked me today about my outfit. I gotta say, the conversation really had me thinking about what fashion means to me.

L: "Hey Xu, why is your shirt tucked into your pants?"

X: "Ummm...why is your shirt not tucked into your pants?"

L: " (Laughs) Seriously,  I'm just curious about your style."

X: "Well, it's the vintage look...styles that were popular in the past."

L: "Oh. But why do you want to dress like people in the past?"

X: "I guess it's kind of like commemorating them. Do you know who Coco Channel is?"

L: "I've heard of that name."

X: "She was a fashion designer that kind of revolutionized the way women dress. She sort of popularized pants and suits for women because that's what she liked to wear herself."

L: "So you want to be like Coco Chanel?"

X: "In a way, yeah. I want to be inspired and she inspires me to dress how I want to."

L: "I think I understand now."

Fitness and Finesse

Everybody knows of change but no one really expects them. I mean that in the most sincere way possible; no cliche.

Being a vegetarian was easy because I had a cause. Also, I was hopeful enough to think that my conscientiousness was going to, on a minuscule scale, save the world. If you had told me, during past the years of me wallowing in my own sense of self-righteousness that I will one day consume flesh again, I would've thrown a fit and tried to shit-kick you in the face for undermining my "martyrdom". Subsequently, I would've also upped the ante and adopted an even more extreme diet (ie. fruitaranism), not so much to prove you wrong, but to prove myself worthy of...something.

The thing about change is that when you're in the middle of it, you don't really feel like anything different really happened. At least for me. When I ate my first piece of lobster one month ago, I didn't feel the same guilt as I usually would've had consumed, even accidentally something laced with animal death. Instead, I justified it and the meat tasted like sustenance should; nourishing, delicious but most importantly, guilt-free. It has been a month since I started eating sea food and I can very well see this change of perception in meat consumption as the beginning of a slippery slope toward full-blown omnivourism. 

Though this change directly threatens my identity, I experience no greater anxiety than usual. Ironically, it is this lack of response that I find more unsettling than anything else. Here I am, a strict vegetarian (a label I was proud to be associated with) for just under 6 years has now included seafood into her diet. This makes me question the real intent behind my vegetarianism and so far, I've only come to realize that perhaps the diet restriction was too much of a compromise or perhaps I for once don't have to justify this to anyone.