T.U.K.-ing On My Heart Strings

This is amazing-sauce! Our humble little band Scrambled Debutante got our first review in the Georgia Straight!  Which means we are now a legitimate band because people have now judged and wrote about those judgements for the public eye in hopes to sway their opinion!!! Now I know what it feels like to be totally fucking famous! Raawwrrrrrrrr!!!!!

Second tidbit of excitement: I was interview on CJSF last Friday for their International Women's Day special to talk about what it feels like to a feminist and a female musician in Vancouver. I talked intensely for half an hour and have never been so proud to be speaking about things that are extremely personal to me.

It seems like things are on the upswing for me and I'm enjoying every moment of it.

Back to business of being serious though. I'm still struggling with creating a workable angle for the new blog. While I want to start a new blog less fashion-focused, I still want my own personal aesthetics to be a part of it. Also, I was told that this blog isn't really about fashion so maybe I'm already achieving what my supposed new blog is going to be all about?

Regardless. I will keep you all informed about any future developments. Now, I'm going to go bask in the temporary glory of how frighteningly much people seem to like me.

A Feminist's Nightmare - American Apparel

This is terrible! How can American Apparel, one of the few accessible all American-made, sweat-shop free clothing companies and a self-proclaimed environmental and progressive business pioneers be hiding behind such a heinous deed?! Just when I thought the sexual harassment  lawsuits were bad, this just brought American Apparel from my "shop-here-if-you-absolutely-have-to" list to my "BOYCOTT-DUE-TO-EXTREME-MORAL-DIFFERENCES" list. I am sad and infuriated beyond words.

The major box-kicker here is the cruel paradox that American Apparel is both socially conscious and immoral. It allures those who are struggling to find ethical fashion and disappoints big time when the owner and the company's name is consistently paired with headlines that exposes AA's unfair and sexist practices and various sexual scandals. Nothing really hurts more than finding out that a company that pride itself on its open and fair labour practices and offers great benefits, wages and career and educational advancement opportunities is actually being operated by an owner  who is a total sleaze bag. According to several reports from multiple sources, Dov Charney seems to think he's operating some sort of "hipster harlem" in hiring mainly "fresh-faced'  (young) who may or may not be approached by him for a "career advancement" (personal favours for a raise) when he's feeling "managerial" (power tripping)  and "in the mood" (horny or just plain wanting to be an asshole).

After learning about some of the truths of American Apparel, I, both as a feminist and a conscientious consumer am totally discouraged. I thought I had hit the jackpot when I found a source of fashion that not only caters to my style but also don't completely contradict my morals and values. To think I used to want to work there!

I thought I'd parallel the ironic practices of American Apparel by wearing two pieces of my favourite American Apparel items; the dolman sleeve top and the red leggings. At least I can make good use of all of my American Apparel stuff because from now on there will be no new additions to my wardrobe from American Apparel.

The Breasts of a Feminist

Ok, so my friend posted a picture of me on Facebook. In it, my right breast is very discernibly droopy. I am a young woman and so far, I’m losing the war against gravity. I comment on the photo and also thinking the same thing: “oh man, I really need to start wearing bras.” 

The truth is, I haven’t worn a proper bra with paddings and underwires in almost five years. Ever since second year university, when my feminist values started to root and flourish within me, I’ve began to detest putting my breasts in those things. Everyday, I would put on the bra that I’ve been wearing since high school and feel its underwires digging into my ribcage and the elastic straps sinking into my flesh. “Have I gained weight?” “Are my breasts getting bigger?” I used to think to myself but I knew that I’ve been the same size ever since I stopped developing at age 17. Every time I got dressed in the morning, I became more and more aware of the suffocating and stifling feeling of wearing a bra. 

I eventually started to go without one because I didn’t think it was normal or even necessary to cram something so irregular such as the human upper torso into something that was pre-made and obviously not suited for living comfortably. So, what is my lesson from seeing my sagging breast in the picture?

Yeah, I should wear a bra. I also should have listen to my father and married rich.  Shouldn’t have bothered with trying to get into graduate school because smart women are not as desirable because they’re too opinionated. While I’m at it, I should also laugh at sexists jokes or lewd one-liners about rape because girls with a sense of humour do so much better in social situations.  I should always feel sexy and validated as a woman when men hit on me or grab my ass and feel guilty and apologetic immediately afterwards when they get furious and call me “fucking dyke” when I don’t respond in a positive way. Really, I should be what a “woman” ought to be and I could if right now, I give up everything that is ever important to me as a female, as a woman but importantly as a human being. Frankly, I don’t think that sounds fair.

Hey look, I have short hair now.

Feminism as Humanism

Facebook is great for when you want to judge people based on what pictures they have or what they say they are interested in. It can also be great for turning a moderately political back-and-forth set of comments into a full-blown meta-analysis about why the previous comments surrounding the topic of gender politics are one-sided, overgeneralizing and some what sexist. There were some comments made between a friend of mine and his friend that showed up on my facebook feed today which were less than encouraging. My friend updated his status a few days ago saying how a girl in his political science class apparently hates him. Even before reading the comments people have made about his status, I already smell the witch burning smoke. I knew this is one of those cases where a male felt threatened by a female because she's "too powerful" or in this case too politically charged. I was curious and have a lot of opinions, so I read what people wrote about his status update. Sure enough, my friend expressed that he felt like the innocent victim of a men-hating feminist. To be precise, he felt like that by virtue of the fact that he is male and exists was enough to warrant the wrath of an angry, female political science student.  

Following his self-deprecating note, one of his friends commented about how women aims to control men and then she proceeded to write about how there's a double standard against men in our current political environment wherein some men are not allowed to participate politics...........WTF?!!! THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE HEARD THIS. The worst thing about her comments was she is actually calling "bullshit" on feminists by pointing out how unfairly privileged and over-advantaged women are these days and that she is actually advocating egalitarianism and gender equality by doing this. As I stared at these comments, confused and dumfounded, I began to feel uneasy. Then, it turned into absolute horror. I was terrified of the notion that people saw and perhaps will always see feminists as men-hating, angry and opportunistic "butch dykes". I was terrified of the fact that feminism is actually being misrepresented and misunderstood by women. However, I was mostly terrified by the fact that women have now turned against each other in trying to defend themselves as feminists, against other feminists.  



After mentally dissecting her logic and finding a fitting rebuttal, I wrote, "I see valid points in all comments but I must get one thing straight because I think a great deal of feminists aren't "ball-kickers" looking to politically castrate males. In fact, all the feminists I know, myself included, are not the radical, men-bashing, extreme left types. Feminism strictly speaking is a proponent of humanism which supports an egalitarian point of view. However some women who identify themselves as feminists can be very radical in their outlook but most of those opinions have been argued as counter productive in promoting true equality. I don't believe large political parties such as the Liberal, Conservatives and the NDP keeping men from participating, however I can see this happening in certain small-scale, grass-root feminist organizations. With that being said, gender-based exclusivity is actually more prominent against women throughout history than the other way around. In fact, women have only earned their political right to even vote just over a hundred years ago while men have been in government and positions of authority for way longer. In terms of male domination in the fundamental way, I do agree with you, most men don't control women or have any desire to. However, male domination is alive and well in other cultures. So much so that women are treated as second-class citizens. Moreover, because male domination has become so frowned upon in progressive cultures, people have become extremely sensitive towards gender politics however sexism has not been completely eradicated. Thus now we're dealing with a new type male-domination that is a lot more subtle and hidden but if you pay attention to certain details, you can see it everywhere. Take for example the phenomena of gender asymmetry in the beauty industry. Just think about how many women vs. men buy into the industry by purchasing beauty products and maintaining their appearance . How many cosmetic conglomerates are owned and operated by men vs. women or even how differently girls and boys are taught about their physical image from a young age. These are the types of issues we're dealing with now."

Is this what feminism has become? Please tell me not all women have turned against each other. 

Gravity Always Wins

So I totally lied, I am going to be able to blog on this trip. I was thinking that there wouldn't be reliable internet sources here but WiFi is everywhere and so I'm not off the grid after all. However, the jetlag has rendered me simultaneous restless and exhausted all the time. So far the experience in Korea has been that everybody really does eat kimchi three times a day just as the stereotype predicted and that plastic surgery is more common than getting a cup of coffee at Starbucks. Speaking of that, let's talk about that for a bit.

I don't mean to be preachy or want to come across as being morally superior but there's something fundamentally wrong with Asian women wanting to get plastic surgery. I've been here for about a week now and if I were to ball park, I say about 70% of women here have undergone some sort of cosmetic procedure. How do I know that? BECAUSE THEY DON'T LOOK ASIAN!!! Of course, there is always assumptions about these things. Perhaps some Korean women are born with large, round, perfectly limpid eyes. Sure, but I know for a fact that the "double eye-lid" surgery is also one of the most popular and common surgeries here. 

The thing is that people are obsessed with looking Westernized here for some reason. I saw a Korean women yesterday standing in line for the flume ride (yes, I went to Everland, an amusement park in Korea) and her face was painted so ghostly white that it didn't match any other part of her natural skin. Meanwhile the only thing I can think of is, "man, I must look so ugly to them. I've gotten a bit of a tan over the summer. I have very typical Asian eyes and my nose is definitely not as well defined as the fake ones." But you want to know what the irony of it all is? The only reason why I'm Korea is because my mom is here to fix her botched nose job from ten years ago so I'm right in the thicket of it all. Everyday, I'm in and out plastic surgeon's offices waiting for her to get stem cells injected into her nasal tissue (standard post operative procedure). While I'm sitting in these offices, I get sadder and sadder with each woman that comes in, looking perfectly attractive I might add, waiting to book her appointment with a specialist to water down whatever Asian characteristic they deem undesirable within the beauty culture.

Down with Patriarchy

Here's something infuriating, get ready.

I was on the skytrain heading home yesterday and had the unfortunate view of a drunk and sleazy man making vulgar remarks at several women. This fucking clown was THE slime ball of the century, not only was he completely insufferably obvious while ogling these women, he also very vocal and made kissing noises and various disgusting facial expressions. The situation was an example of power imbalance. The women looked beyond uncomfortable, they looked extremely distressed and perhaps felt very vulnerable too (I know I would). They tried their hardest to keep composure and exited the vehicle as fast as possible when it was their stop. 

To make the matter worse, this man was not alone. HE WAS WITH A WOMAN!!! This woman (also drunk and obnoxious) seemed totally aloof about how her date was making passes at other women. At some point, the man turned towards two girls sitting behind him and started gesturing at them with his hand and touch them. At this point, the girl was trying to dodge his hand all the while telling him to stop. Upon hearing this, the drunk woman became hostile and turned around and said, "hey, don't start shit. You're suppose to say 'please and thank you'".

Without getting too deep into the social significance of this whole thing, I think we can all agree that this is just another example of how some men feel that they are entitled to treat women however they see fit. (ie. with less respect thus as less than them) At the same time, some women perpetuate this inequality by not only submitting themselves to the subjugation of men but also broadcast such beliefs externally, unto other women. Thus, we (women) are disadvantaged by two sets of taken-for-granted assumptions which does not help the cause of equality at all. 

I, in the past, have been criticized by other fellow feminists as "contradictory" and "victim blaming" (victims being the women who are discriminated against) because my notions can sometimes seem a bit harsh towards women. My defence is usually that I hate to see women as victims of patriarchal circumstances and by seeing woman as the people who have been subjected to sexism and unfairness sort of implies that "that's just the way it is, we women are always the passive recipients of the shitty end of the bargain". To that I say "FUCK THAT" because whenever I hear anybody (men and women) talking about anything with any a shred of gender undertone, I tell always say to them, "it doesn't have to be that way, gender roles are the status quo, yes, but it doesn't have to be." Thus I try to change as much of our societal expectations as possible, starting at the most basic level by rejecting everything coloured by gender rather than sex. To subvert gender, I believe both men and women are responsible but since most gender stereotypes hold more negative standards about women, women need to work extra hard to reverse them. This means, by only defending ourselves against external sexism coming from others is not enough, we also need to recognize our own schemas of gender and reverse them. That is usually the hardest part but it can be done. 

I cook, I clean, I, feminist.

Feminists beware; this one "conforms" to gender stereotypes! 

Honestly, I take pride in the fact that I'm a good cook and I love to clean. I never for once thought it was the result of the unconscious oppression of gender roles. However, as I'm writing this, I'm slowly starting to think that perhaps gender roles do apply to me and I can be unknowingly be influenced by them. As you can see, this has turned a post hoc argument and I'm starting to look for a way out.

So now I ask the question, do women truly suffer if they chose to "conform" so to speak to the gender roles. Can she embody feminism if she enjoys doing everything that is proverbially "feminine?" 

Front Woman

As a woman of this society and someone who is very aware of the gender issues we face on a daily basis, this past week had been a total emotional roller coaster ride. In addition to hearing about the recent atrocities involving the facebook photo postings of a gang rape of a 16 year old girl in Maple Ridge, I learned about the story of Teena Brandon on Monday after watching Boys Don't Cry. As if that was not enough, yesterday, I witnessed first hand an assault of a woman by a man in the back parking lot of my work. Though it is only Thursday, too soon to tell how I would feel for the rest of my life, I have a suspicion that this newly awakened anger and sadness towards the current trend of how women are treated will stay with me for a long time. The truth is, I have felt this way for a long time about all sorts of issues and social injustices, but the difference between reading and seeing first hand a violent act committed towards a woman is unimaginable; the latter experience makes the problem of gender violence a lot more immediate and urgent. Seeing how this is affecting me so much already, I choose not to go into the subject. But I want to raise awareness about it because it is all too real even though sometimes we forget because of how sheltered our lives can get sometimes with our daily routines.

I will end on a positive note by posting my band's first recording for you all to scrutinize. Actually, I'm quite proud of it because I think it sounds pretty good for the first take. Plus I didn't mess up once playing guitar and singing at the same time, even though you can't really hear me and our timing was off at various points throughout the song. Regardless, this is the first song we've ever wrote, so be kind. It's called "King Cats" and it's about ligers.


(sorry about the ads in there, but this the only way I know how to upload an mp3s onto blogger)

Make Sex, Not Gender

I'd like to take the opportunity and devote some time to discuss the relationship of "Sex and the City" and feminism. But first, I would like to apologize for coming off as being cynical all the time seeing that how almost all of my posts had been criticisms of one thing or another. But I think my opinions are more than just pointless rants because I always try my hardest to establish an introspective conclusion within my writing. Therefore, if you would like to challenge any of my arguments, please do so. I welcome friendly debates.
Back to "Sex and the City". As a female, I have always enjoyed the show. I love the fashion, the "girl chats" and even the character relationship dynamics. However, as a feminist I've always felt somewhat conflicted for liking a show that pretty much perpetuates and glamorizes every single gender stereotype. I mean, this show made a lot of contemporary feminists lose their shit over arguing who's right. Because the themes and indications of gender stereotype in it was a little more complicated than just say, a blatantly sexist rap music video. Within the feminist realm, lots of women are against the show for its obvious sexist portrayal of contemporary single women. But some very progressive feminists think the show is empowering because it was not only relevant but also portrayed women as independent characters in control of their lives. I stand somewhere between those two extremes because what I've recently realized is that the show itself, as much as it is controversial, really isn't intentionally trying to endorse gender stereotypes. And for the longest time I thought it was precisely this unconscious mental set that has caused the biggest problem in this male-centered society. Because how can you get rid of acts of sexism when we're not even aware of committing it? I mean even the most feminist-minded, and self-aware woman sometimes can't clearly distinguish between what is empowering and what is oppressive. Most gender issues these days seem to always start out with people unknowingly making gender based assumptions and ending up offending someone. And I think I have come to realize that gender, is really a social construct and as long as we are cognitive beings who tend to rely on social constructs to understand the world, we are going to inadvertently harbor certain beliefs that are not necessarily true . So, it really boils down to simple "guilty, not guilty" question: can people really be held accountable for committing acts of sexism without an intent?

This outfit was so comfortable. It's a very prepubescent look but I was nostalgic for that stage of life where boys and girls didn't try to exaggerate their genders and sex was still somewhat ambiguous due to lack of secondary sexual characteristics.